Some days you cry when you are happy and sad, and it isn’t
so bad.
I’d take a day like that over any other day sometimes, because
it is often on those days you well up with tears so fat and pure just for the
love of being alive. Alive and knowing love, pain, and all the tiny things that
make up life, and the knowledge it is fleeting and short. I think about my
husband, long suffering against all these emotional tides I tread day to day,
and that he is always there with that smile he has, his gentle ways and his
patience, oh lord, his patience with me. He has very little patience with most
things in life, you see, because I think he uses most of it on me.
In this holding pattern today, listening to music and
going through the motions of work or something suitable enough to pass as such.
Future plans and thoughts on the back burner barely simmering today. Missed a
workout last night due to household appliance fuckery and general malaise.
There happens to be a thing called Keto Flu and I do believe it is true. Aching
and generally exhausted today caused me to forgo the fasting this morning and
dig into the mixed nuts and olive brine. Yeah I drank it. I think you have to
listen to your body sometimes, and just drink the stuff you are craving. There
has to be a good reason and my reason is that I am probably dehydrated and not
eating enough at this point. It’s a thing, it really is. I mean the not eating
enough and I know it isn’t good, but what can I do that isn’t in the extreme.
Someone tell me.. I’m waiting.
There is a possibility of poetry tonight, if I can
convince myself to put myself out there at all. It takes energy and resolve to
be in a room half full of people that despise you! Hey it’s all true, dear readers,
I have haters, and if that isn’t delightful I don’t know what that is. You don’t
hang around for 25 years and get things done without them. So in order to make tonight happen I have to
find something to eat that the both of us will accept, dress up in something
that doesn’t make me feel old and fat, decide if I have anything even worth
performing, drive all the way to Fort Worth, find a table that isn’t too close
to the ghouls I mentioned earlier, have enough money to drink at least 3 cheap
drinks, get up on that stage and expend what little energy I have left at that point, then make my way
back home at a descent hour because of
this gig ya know. So come to think of it.. it all sounds ok. When I get out and
around people I generally feel better. All it takes is watching a few people on
stage to get inspired to kick ass. It’s
really all I look forward to.. you know sometimes life is a mess and you have
to find the things that make you happy. This is one thing.
Other things:
Cheese
Spotify
Zilch Podcast release days
Twin Peaks
Working out and getting ripped
Losing a pound
The Swimming pool at FOE
Thrift Store shopping
Riding my bike for fun
Hiking with friends and family at the OCNP
Live Music
Beer
Falling asleep to M*A*S*H on the TV
My daughter’s smile
The brothers, Jack and Benny
DANCING
Unexpected text messages from friends
Lunch Dates
Espresso shots
Serge Gainsbourg
And more.. that’s just a bit for now, and I feel better.
This was supposed to be a fashion blog. I guess I need to
figure out all of that eventually but gee, for now it’s just nice to talk to
you.
Photo by the late, great Dan Rodriguez. Miss you.
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