The Gloaming

There’s rain in the city. Every song on my playlist had some kind of reference to rain so I guess the universe, or at least the universe of Dallas needed it today. Rain means everyone has to be closer to each other at the bus stop.  There are dozens of broken umbrellas dripping rain unto the backs of poor commuters and I am one of them. It doesn’t make sense to buy a new one until the season change comes proper and I don’t think that I happening yet. When it happens we will have at least 2 solid days of showers and boom it will be autumn again.

I started my new position yesterday. It’s pretty ok. I have my own cubical but it has real walls. I will be able to put art up when I get a chance to bring some and my twin peaks dolls are comfortable, as well as my Monkee bobbleheads. I have an option to use overhead lighting or lamps. I have been switching back and forth and confusing everyone in the office. The guy next door to me talks and sings to himself constantly but it doesn’t bother me at all. The work is good, highly detailed but not rushed.

We do things accurately first then comes the speed.

 I have to tell myself this all the time because I tend to feel very impatient with myself these days.  I feel frustrated that things aren’t moving fast enough. Remember what I said about waiting for the fuse to be lit? Well, I feel like it’s all damp now. I feel like I’m lighting matches in the rain these days.

Saw Dillon last night. It was a good to see him. He always makes me feel better.

And I got a message from a blog reader.. and it made me want to write today so thanks for that. <3

Your Loving Son has a gig on Saturday at MFA. Wasn’t I just saying how I needed to go to a proper art show again? We are going to rehearse every night until then. I haven’t said that to C yet, but I want to make it happen. I feel like I don’t get enough work in and it is making me impatient for things. I want to be better. Sometimes I listen to Radiohead and I feel like my guts are going to spill out because I want to be so good so badly. I just don’t know how to make things happen. I have my eye on a new synth.. it’s closer to old school with a keyboard. I love my kaos pad, but it’s hard to be intuitive on it and that’s all I really have going for me. That, and I want to noodle and play by ear because that’s what I can do.

God I had the strangest dream. Dillon and I and Harry Mc Nabb were in it. It was a gold evening.. the light was yellow and warm. I kept wondering why we were all hanging out, although I think every time I am with Dillon I do wish Harry was there with us too.  I just feel like they would really like each other. Honestly, I just think everyone would love D. Anyway, then there was Joe Millazo, which btw has a birthday today, which I didn’t know at all so when I woke up I had that oh yeahh what a weird coincidence feeling. Well the dream was shrouded in mystery and I don’t know what really happened if anything but Dillon had on a shirt that looked like moss and I think it’s probably what his idea he was talking about last night was. JM had his hand on his chin in deep thought. Harry had a guitar and his hair was shaved on the side like the first time I met him.  There was trash blowing around like tumbleweeds in the brown dust and we were in some kind of alley way, red brick building behind us. That was it. Oh yeah and a bird shit on Dillon’s sleeve. ( doesn’t that mean good luck?)

The tree in my front yard looks like a hand open to the sky. I never realized this until last night when D and I were having a smoke. Seems so obvious but I never even saw it once.

With the new job and little raise, it looks like I am going to be staying in OC for a bit longer and I am really relieved. I know we should get a smaller place but I am not ready to let go just now. I don’t feel like I should have to anyway because it is my home.

No more weight coming off, I assume as I am not weighing myself. My jeans fit a little snug and that was enough to depress me but godalmighty I feel like I’m all ass right now. I guess a girl has just got to work what she’s got. I am eating what I want today. It’s a good thing I want celery, cucumbers, tinned smoked oysters and cream cheese, cause that’s what I got. Honestly I am bored with eating. It all kinda tastes bland to me. I mean, I would love a cheeseburger..but I digress.

So come and see me on Saturday night. I will be sober until I am done playing then all bets off. Oh the club was fun on Saturday and I managed to behave myself. Made it all through the night without incident. Danced with my boo and had a good time celebrating the new position.

It is only Tuesday tho. I leave you with this my friends.